The value of talking to somebody impartial is a major reason why people to go to therapy. Even after a few sessions and once a therapist is more aware of what is happening in clients' lives, they are still impartial - they have zero stakes in the client's life outside the counselling room (and it should be and stay that way).
But will they take sides? Might they agree with everything a client says? Might they encourage and collude?
These are all valid questions. It's common for people in couple's therapy to worry about counsellors taking the side of one client. Even folks in individual's therapy mention that people in their life worry they have entered therapy to have a good laugh complaining and mocking others together with a therapist. Not only this, some individuals have entered therapy and asked if this is what therapy is all about. Therapists taking sides is something people both inside and outside of therapy wonder and worry about.
So let's talk about.
Firstly, can people laugh and mock others together with a therapist?
Nope. (Head shake).
It's a major red flag if this were to happen. It's never cool to mock and laugh about others, and a therapist is an expensive, over-qualified person to collude with. This just plane shouldn't happen - it's taking sides, unethical and unprofessional.
If you have a partner or loved one in therapy, rest assured they are not mocking and laughing with their therapist about you. Don't expect this to happen.
Can they agree with a client?
Oh, yes. A therapist can certainly agree with a client - especially about objective facts. Say a bad boss breaks a contract or keeps tips, a neighbour vandalises property or kicks your cat, these would be incidents that occurred objectively without question (and a therapist won't question [98% of the time]) and are wrong. A therapist will agree when behaviour or incidents are wrong when unethical or unlawful (or when anything cruel ever happens to a cat).
Yet, a therapist may choose to neither agree nor disagree with subjective thoughts and feelings regarding a client's relationships. It's clearly not clever for therapists to jump to conclusions and say what's what in life - therapists don't know! Also, therapists tend to be aware of the pedestal some clients put them on so must be careful about sharing opinions or agreeing. A therapist should be aware of their influence. Therefore, don't always expect a therapist to either agree or disagree about everything, because it's not really their job.
If they aren't taking sides, where do they stand?
I like to think a therapist can walk around, not quite taking sides but neither being a blank slate without thoughts or views. A therapist's job is to offer input, state what's black and white when needed, agree when needed and disagree when needed. Importantly, a therapist can challenge a client and certainly never collude and mock other people with a client.
Your therapist won't take a side
Taking sides and sticking there for no good reason isn't helpful or genuine, and it isn't what therapy is for. But it isn't always so straight forward. Therapy should offer new input, by being objective and honest. Your therapist may agree with you, but may disagree and that's perfect - since therapy should be both challenging and fair.
Isn't that what collaboration is about?
Written by Lily Llewellyn
19th December 2022
Lily is a psychotherapist trained and educated in person-centred counselling to master's level and achieved an MA in anthropology. Her areas of interest include our relationships with ourselves and others as well as the ways in which we relate to objects, such as food and money, and activities, such as shopping and work.
Comments