Here's a common occurrence - you sit down for therapy and your counsellor says, "This is a safe space. So you can share whatever you like". You're nervous and don't know what to expect. You're told to not worry about being vulnerable, even though everyone knows you are, and so should crack on.
However, it's that phrase 'safe space' that leaves you uneasy - it certainly has left me uneasy every time a counsellor has said it to me. I've almost wanted to look around in search for what makes the safe space, safe. (Something clients literally do (you're not alone)). Are the doors safe? Is it the curtains, meaning nobody can peek through? Is it the person who said the words to me, are they the safe part? What part is the safe part?
Despite being well intended, simply saying the phrase, 'safe space,' has no positive effect. Therapists, or anybody, cannot simply say the phrase and expect the other to feel safe, just like we cannot say, "don't be nervous", "get comfortable" or "trust me" - words alone are meaningless. No trust is earnt after these two easy words. Arguably it could have a negative effect on both client and counsellor if it is merely used as a substitute for the real deal, the real effort it takes to demonstrate through repeated actions that the environment really is safe.
But what do you understand to be a safe space for you? What does 'safe space' mean? Do we all understand a safe space equally? And how does one create desired effect - to make you trust your therapist enough that you feel safe and secure to be your most vulnerable and honest?
What does 'safe space' mean?
Generically, when used the phrase 'safe space' refers to a place or environment in which a person or group of people should be free to feel confident that they won't be exposed to discrimination, criticism, harassment, or any other harm. This is the textbook definition.
As a whole, I've never warmed to the idea of 'the safe space'. To me, it suggests a designated area in which one can go ahead and feel free, calm and safe. Although a designated space implies that outside areas are exempt from safety - almost as if a person is not entitled to safety unless in that 'safe space'. In terms of society, the term has its uses for LGBTQIA communities as well as religious communities though it's a pity designated safe spaces are necessary when all spaces ought to be free from discrimination, criticism, harassment, or any other harm. But, hey, I state the obvious. And, until every crevice of society feels safe (if that's even possible), designated safe spaces are necessary.
But what about the counselling room?
It should be a given that the counselling room is free from discrimination, criticism or harm. So much so that there ought not be the verbal sign at the door to remind both client and counsellor. That's hardly reassuring. But not only this, saying "This is a safe space" doesn't take into consideration the history, relationships and lived experience of the person who now suddenly ought to be comfy enough to be vulnerable, open up and share.
In reality, when I meet a new client we are both strangers meeting for the first time with no understanding of who each other are or what the other has lived through - therefore, I cannot determine if a space feels safe for another. Before speaking to my client, I cannot possibly imagine what will scare, frighten, comfort them, make them laugh or help them feel reassured.
We cannot assume the meaning of a safe space for each person.
Nor can we assume that everybody knows what it means to feel safe. We cannot assume every person has ever experienced a truly safe environment. Being a new person to me, I wouldn't know that this may be the case for my client and it may the reason my client is in therapy - to learn and experience what safety can feel like. The opening line "This is a safe space" would be an immediate and clumsy blunder.
In the therapy room, it's my job to learn what a safe space means to my client. The only way for a safe space to be created is through careful communication, that is, through understanding the individual, their subjective needs and tailoring the environment to be safe and secure enough for them to feel able to trust enough to be vulnerable. A safe space is a process of thoughtful curation, you might say.
Providing a safe space requires time, effort, communication and a lot of learning.
Is a safe space important? Of course, and is it important in all spaces. But simply saying the words is the lazy route and doesn't give the effect we hope for. In fact, it can have the opposite effect!
It isn't enough, and it certainly isn't a substitute for the constant work that is required in providing a safe space for clients. The therapist must work hard, little by little, to show with their actions that they are trustworthy, ethical, respectful and understanding enough to prove to their client that it is safe enough to open up. No two word phrase can earn or replace the effort it takes to create a safe relationship and environment.
Written by Lily Llewellyn
September 11th 2023
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