Recently, somebody asked me what they can expect to get from therapy - a question I can expect as a therapist. Yet, it took me a moment to think of the right response. Honestly, I feel psychotherapy can offer a person an enormous amount! So much so that I don't know if I can do the topic justice. I don't really know how to sum it up. It can be life changing, if not saving!
The truth is people want different things from therapy, so it almost makes me a little nervous if I'm asked the question generally. Of course, no one quite wants the counter-question, "what are you looking to get from it?"
But this question matters, because a client's motivations for being in therapy and the goals they want to achieve really matter for how therapy will unfold. Naturally, therapy is going to unfold differently for a person who needs to grieve a loss compared to the person who wants to explore their struggles to give up smoking. There are literally HUNDREDS of types of therapies, all with different approaches and each specified in different areas (and most therapists have their particular niche) - all to meet your needs and wants.
Although there are lots of different types of therapies, they all have a similar goal: to help you feel better. A therapist wants to know what you want to achieve in therapy so that they can work with you to help you achieve it.
It's a unique, customised process. But here's what you can expect to get from your therapy hour...
The undivided attention of trained and experienced professional who is knowledgeable about mental health, personality and change.
When working with a trained professional, psychotherapy can offer ways in which to describe and make sense of personal experience through conversation, create ways of understanding the self and treating mental health conditions.
Your therapist will give you the time to talk, cry, shout, be super angry or just be. It's an opportunity to look at yourself and your situation in a fresh way with someone who'll respect you and your opinions, as well as respect your privacy - you don't have to share parts of yourself if you don't want to, which I feel is important to add.
As well as this, don't overlook the fact that this professional is someone who actually wants to know about you, is actually willing to go into the deepest (darkest) places of your mind. Yes, we actually want to do this. We care and feel you are worthy of this effort.
Time and time again, studies have been done to discover what is actually at the helping heart of therapy. The ongoing therapeutic relationship always comes out on top!
Confidentiality
Oh, confidentiality. The glue that holds it all together. The lengths therapists go to maintain it. Its importance can't be overestimated. I wonder if individuals in therapy fully utilise the confidential space. What parts of yourself would you dare to venture into and share with another person if you trusted you were safe and in good hands? It takes a bold person to lean into it.
Learn to resolve conflict and improve communication skills
Working so closely with your therapist and looking into yourself involves work. It's a working, active and intimate relationship. A little bit like a marriage. But also not!
Being in this therapeutic relationship can help you to trust, disclose, be confident and offer feedback, resolve conflict and generally improve your ability to communicate. You can experience what it feels like to be accepted, respected and to find healthy, positive support. It's an experience in and of itself.
Goal setting and accountability
It's also fair to mention that some people are not looking for an in depth, intimate relationship lasting weeks or months. Some people choose to see a counsellor once in a while for reasons that are akin to a mental health check up. You may wish to use your session as a means of staying accountable to your personal goals. And that's okay too.
Therapy is there to help you better understand yourself, your relationships and to help with mental health conditions
In a discussion about the feeling of wanting to disappear, clinical psychologist Therese Mascardo wrote the following and I feel she touched upon the common reasons why people reach out for therapy and what most therapists offer their clients in response. She wrote: "People who say they want to disappear might really be saying: I feel alone and need love, I feel sad and need comfort or things that bring me joy, I feel shame and need to know that I’m an OK person, I’m tired and need rest, I feel overwhelmed and need a plan, or I feel lost and need a sense of purpose".
Therapy can help with a long list of things, both mental and physical, abstract and very real. It can help find the reasons why aliments are caused and how to go about making changes for the better.
Consider the affects of stress or lack of sleep on the body - what would happen if you can eradicate that problem? What would you do with the extra time and energy? How would life look if you had more meaningful relationships? How would life look if you had comfort or things that bring you joy, the assurance you are OK, rest, a plan, and a sense of purpose? What could you get from it?
Your therapist is there for you. But, don't forget - it's a team effort. What you take from therapy will be limited if you're not willing to work and take risk of being vulnerable.
Written by Lily Llewellyn
1st January 2023
Lily is a psychotherapist trained and educated in person-centred counselling to master's level and achieved an MA in anthropology. Her areas of interest include our relationships with ourselves and others as well as the ways in which we relate to objects, such as food and money, and activities, such as shopping and work.
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