As a therapist I often hear the following comments from people both in and outside of therapy...
"People in therapy must have really big problems"
"I wish I could see a therapist but I don't think I'm unwell enough"
"I put off coming to therapy because I thought I wasn't sick enough"
"I feel I shouldn't be in therapy since my life isn't as bad as others"
It seems that there is a general idea that a person must be in, or is in, a bad way to be in therapy. This is unhelpful for a few reasons...
People in therapy can be judged as being sick and having "big problems."
Hello stigma.
People think they need to have "big problems" to go to therapy.
Hello exclusion.
People feel that what they are going through is not enough for therapy.
Hello shame.
Apart from the huge issues of stigma, exclusion and shame that this idea brings, there's the question of a "big problem". I still do not know what a big problem is - problems are subjective and relative, and the consequences of a problem change between people and for an individual overtime. Because of this, I don't know what Jack sees as a problem. But I know it'll feel and be measured differently from Jill's.
This is one reason why your therapist will ask you questions about your life - they are trying to learn what it means to be you. What is an issue for you? How do you know it's an issue? How does it feel? How do you cope?
Therapy is not only for people with "big problems" - we need to be careful with what we label as problems. But I think it's fair to say you may come to therapy because you are unhappy with a part of your life, want to understand it more and want something to change.
You (or a person you know) may be in therapy because...
You’re unhappy or irritable
You want life to end or you want to disappear
You’re been through a big change
A big change is on the horizon
You’re having thoughts that are harmful or intrusive
You’re pulling away from things that you used to enjoy
You’re feeling isolated or alone
You’re overusing a substance to cope in life
You feel like things are slipping out of your control
Your relationships feel strained or suddenly different
You can't sleep
You just feel like you need to talk to someone
You want to know yourself better
Any of the above may feel like a problem to you. Or not. They may feel like a problem to someone else. Or not. And that's okay.
Written by Lily Llewellyn
16th January 2023
Lily is a psychotherapist trained and educated in person-centred counselling to master's level and achieved an MA in anthropology. Her areas of interest include our relationships with ourselves and others as well as the ways in which we relate to objects, such as food and money, and activities, such as shopping and work.
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