You may be considering therapy or a loved one may be encouraging you to go. While there is every reason to start, there are also reasons not to. Therapy is tough and demanding, and there are wrong and right times to begin. Don't start if you can't.
How to know it's the wrong time for therapy?
You don't have the time to process
In case you haven't ever been in therapy before, it's importnat for me to note that therapy should take up more than just an hour every week. Between sessions, you will be churning over in your mind what was discussed. You'll reflect. You'll reconsider. You'll remember new things and absorb into your system any new insights or changes. It's an active process that literally takes your time and energy.
Or should. This process is a conscious exercise, which, arguably, you can't do while working, studying or dedicating time to family and friends - unless you're multi-tasking half-heartedly.
Therapy needs time to be effective. Working 70 hour weeks and pushing therapy to a side won't allow you to get the most out of therapy.
You don't have the right space for therapy
As well as time, therapy also needs space. Of course, if you have the time and means to travel to a literal counselling premise, you are not responsible for the space or maintaining its confidentially.
But what if you must meet your therapist online? This responsibility is now yours.
Ideally your therapy space - the room you go to connect with your therapist online - is safe and secure. This means that you're not driving while talking to a therapist. Children or roommates won't walk in or overhear. Even if you think your mum or partner knows everything you'd share with a therapist and can overhear through the walls, trust me, you'll change your mind. We don't want any peeping Toms or eavesdroppers!
To be open and trusting of the therapy process, you need to feel safe and secure in the ways that matter to you...
You're struggling to trust the process
... Speaking of trusting therapy, a client needs to have just the slightest degree of trust in therapy in order to come along. Or at least there needs to be a degree of motivation - "I've been given an ultimatum so I need to see a counsellor" is a valid motivation to start therapy and is something to work with. But starting off without trust or motivation takes hella time to warm things up.
Doubts and timidity are fine. But being a firmly closed door isn't the right moment to seek a therapist. Don't seek therapy if you don't believe in it.
You aren't prepared to open a can of worms
Therapy is about making changes in ways that are healthy and for the best. This can mean wading neck deep through some pretty murky, nasty waters to get to the other, better, side. New insights will come to your awareness and you may feel worse off - I'm letting you know now.
There is no shame in recognising that a can of worms needs to be opened but knowing now is not the right time to open it - for whatever reason. Some people are not ready. Some relationships are not ready. It's cruel to push somebody off the edge of a cliff, so why would we do it to ourselves?
Now may be not be the time to start therapy
You need time, effort, motivation and trust to start therapy. Choose a sensible moment to commit by considering the amount of time you have, the space in which to engage with your therapist online, if you are are able to let the process change you and your relationships. There is no shame in waiting for the right moment to come, because therapy may not work otherwise.
And that's fine. Be gentle and make the start when you can.
Written by Lily Llewellyn
November 28th 2022
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