This a common question I often get asked as a therapist. I wonder if the reason why clients ask is as equally two fold as the answer.
Some clients take comfort in knowing they are treated like everybody else - they may be reassured they don't require special treatment and aren't singled out. There isn't favouritism nor neglect when everyone is treated equally.
However - some of my clients want the opposite. They don't want to be treated like other clients. Some desire to know their unique personality and process require a unique and creative way of working together.
As a client, you shouldn't be given special treatment but you ought to be treated uniquely. Let me explain...
What do we mean by 'treat'?
I remember being a child and all I wanted was to be treated exactly the same as other children.
In my family, I'd harbour resistant if my mother took my sister for an afternoon at the beach for quality time, enjoying ice-cream and strolling on the sand. I wouldn't rest until I had my afternoon of motherly attention and ice-cream, because that would restore equality for my young mind.
Though over at school, as a child who struggled with dyslexia I was called out of English and maths for "special" one to one tuition twice a day for eight years. The humiliation was real. Despite needing and getting the extra support, I'd have rather sat in the big classroom with other kids and be left to struggle. That would've been fair, right? Or would it?
No matter what was happening to me and how I was treated, I felt it was different to others. How wonderfully complex and hard to please I was.
But, it's true, behaviour and actions feel and look differently in different situations to different people. And we are all treated differently: we are different people.
Although, what about treating others differently? I hope my mum was the same mum to each of her children. And teachers didn't favouritise me over other students - I hope all students got the support they needed.
The same should apply in counselling. Your counsellor should be the same counsellor, that is themselves with each client. They should be offering the equal support, even though that may look slightly different for each client.
Here's what I mean...
I, as counsellor, am always the same
There's all of me who is always the same. Though me, Lily, with friends isn't the same version as Lily with my clients, who is again when with my students. Each place and person brings out a part of us, which is normal and appropriate.
For this reason, counsellors often say, "Myself as a counsellor". This means, Me being the counsellor in me.
Myself as a counsellor is always the same person and the same with all clients. I do my best to be empathetically understanding and accepting of all clients equally. I believe this is a straightforward part of myself and of counselling.
You, as client, are offered the same as other clients
Perhaps this may be the less straightforward part, as counsellors vary here. For my way of working, I try to keep what I offer clients as equal as possible. This doesn't mean empathy, acceptance, honesty etc. Instead I refer to practicalities - when and where I see clients, for the same length of time in sessions and how much I charge.
Again, this differs. Some counsellor's may choose to see some clients during their time off on holidays, but not all clients. Some agree to charge clients different hourly fees. Some counsellors feel comfortable to hold the therapeutic hour to loose meaning and end a session when clients feel able to end a session. There is no hard and fast rule here.
For myself and my work, I choose to keep lines fairly uniform. Perhaps I have a personal hang up regarding favouritism, but this works for me. Having said this, when doing voluntary work, I have seen some clients more regularly than others. Though, like myself and needing additional support in school, I am comfortable to offer additional support for mental health.
Your process is seen as unique
Last - but not least - is you, dear client. YOU and the counselling experience of yourself alongside your therapist is different and totally unique.
It certainly feels different for me.
I have had clients who I felt it important to be particularly gentle with them. Others required me to be blunt, as they couldn't understand me otherwise. Some clients require I understand the humour and joy in their life, while others want me to be attentive to the difficult and painful process they've gone through. The way in which therapy unfolds and the ways this requires therapists to behave and "treat" clients is different.
So are you treated differently? Yes - I'd say you are. Differently, but fairly.
You and what you require from therapy is unique. Your therapist is always being themselves with each client, but the ways they work with you is a creative process and unique.
Written by Lily Llewellyn
August 14th 2023
Comentários