My therapist has told me therapy is ending. Can a therapist leave their client?
It's typical to have mixed feelings about therapy ending, especially when a therapist is the person who ends it. Some clients feel strong emotions from anger, abandonment to full blown grief, which is all normal and fairly understandable considering what you've been through together.
The only feeling I think shouldn't occur is confusion. You deserve to know why your therapist must end counselling - after all, the decision massively affects you.
But, can a therapist leave their client? The answer is yes. A therapist can tell you your sessions with them will be ending.
Ideally therapy would come to a natural end when you feel relieved of whatever brought you there. However, it does and will happen that for a number of reasons your therapist must end your sessions. I'll talk about one of those reasons in a moment. Though one important thing to say first is that it's unlikely your therapist suggested therapy end because they simply don't want to see you anymore.
Feeling as though you've done something wrong for therapy to end without your choosing is a painful place to be. It's triggered feelings of being rejected, abandoned and leaves you questioning if you're dull, frustrating or plain unlikeable.
If a therapist is feeling bored, annoyed or turned off by you, they would have had a long hard think about why this is. If it's something you do, they will try to explain this. A part of a therapist's job is to talk with you about their experience of being alongside you! If you're behaving like an annoying pain to be around, wouldn't you prefer somebody politely told you? This could be one of the possible reasons you've ended up in counselling. Having said that, if after their long hard think your therapist realises they find you unappealing - not because of you - but because of something about them and their life, they ought to leave that at the door before entering your session!
Your therapist shouldn't (and I'm confident wouldn't) go AWOL because of how you affect them. A good therapist is able to leave their own stuff at the door.
I hope this gives a sense that your therapist wouldn't end sessions because they simply dislike you and don't want to give you their time!
One of most painful parts about your therapist suggesting therapy ends, however, is not knowing why. The unknown is when doubts and insecurities creep in. Because of this, let's talk about one of the possible reasons why a therapist is able to end your sessions.
They can't do their job as best as they'd like
Not doing their job well anymore means that the therapist isn't able to provide proper care or give their full self to therapy. This might happen because of something happening in their personal life (like a bereavement or divorce). In this case, your therapist may be distracted or triggered in sessions, which, as mentioned above, is keeping them from leaving their own life at the door. In this case, ethically your therapist is bound to suggest you meet with someone else.
Another way in which therapy may come to an early end is if your reason for being in therapy has become specialised and the therapist feels that giving you the best support you deserve lies beyond their expertise or experience.
In this case, the therapist is again thinking about the best way to support you.
Your therapist may need to end your sessions and they can and should do this if need be.
The most important thing is you know why. A therapist disappearing on you, or not giving you a straight reason why they've suggested therapy ends is cruel and unfair. You must be able to ask what's happening.
Although, please be reassured that your confusion is very unlikely due to something personal about yourself which your therapist rejects. Also, the end is not always easy on therapists too. We sometimes wonder about our clients after sessions come to a stop, as the relationship was deep and meaningful for us too.
Written by Lily Llewellyn
July 10th 2023
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